Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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