genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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