i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
