Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
