Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I would ride that face into the sunset
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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