just survived the first fart of the relationship.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
