So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
