If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
