We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
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