Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
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