guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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