need another drink. this is the easiest way
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
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