how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
