Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
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