are you still at the devil's house?
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
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