You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
