I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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