Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
