you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
You may now shotgun with the bride
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
