You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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