Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
