we have officially lost it.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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