The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
