Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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