Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
