I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
