I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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