I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
