currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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