I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
