Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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