i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
