I love black thongs
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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