im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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