There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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