I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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