Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
