Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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