Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
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