I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
