I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
