remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Sext me about skeletons
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
