my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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