She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
