Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
It all started with a game of naked twister.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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