it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Randomize
