hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Randomize
