Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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