when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
you traded sex for a burrito?
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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