i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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