a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Randomize
