She said her name was "party"
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
