True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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