i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
