do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Randomize
