Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
