hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
